Don’t look back…

 

Don’t look back…

When the clock not only

winds down but runs backwards

is where I meet you again

for the first time.

Getting off the bus

seeking a hazelnut coffee

the instant recognition of our thousand lives

together.

All for the price of a silver figurine on a chain.

My friend made me listen to the song you wrote.

“It’s all about you,” she said, but I chose not to listen.

I should have believed.

In fate.

In our midnight time at the cottage.

In dreams that were real.

Yet, old age grants me a second chance.

My memories come back,

bigger and brighter.

This time, I take your hand,

walk down the beach with you,

and never look back.

–A Chaos Fairy

 

(Just a little background music from my favourite band to set the mood 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyCqW_r-McI )

 

 

 

Limbo of Past and Future, Conjoined.

 

The Cure’s “Doing the Unstuck”

A weird TBT post, I know. But things are weird in the Chaos Realm as of late. Weirder than usual, anyway.

Been seeing the previews for that TV show, Timeless, on NBC. I really thought it was a show  based on the books by Connie Willis (about the exploits of time-traveling historians/history detectives.) but it wasn’t, sadly. Or thankfully, since I typically like the book versions better.

Right now, like a time traveller perhaps, I feel stuck between my past and a nebulous future (imagine if there really were such a thing as reincarnation, and you were getting hints of your future life–that’s what it feels like). It’s really weird, like depression, but not really, just a confusing mass of sh*t that’s all swirling around and hard to figure out. Or move forward. Limbo, essentially. Or a purgatory, Dante-style. And it’s not even really good nostalgia, either, just more of a hindsight wake-up call about the things I should done differently, and how I should have reacted to the situations I was in–made different decisions–chose a different path, character-wise. Chose to be me in different, better ways. It’s weird, because I’ve never been one to really dwell on things, just pick myself up, dust myself off, and plan a new adventure, or a new life track. But, after 437 beat-downs/put-downs, I’m feeling a little weary, as you can imagine. LOL Maybe I’m thinking about all this as part of life lessons for a next life…or so goes the thought path my imagination runs away with, on occasion. (The curse of being a creative thinker–always walking that fine line between imagination and madness, right? Those gymnastics Olympians on the balance beam have nothing on us!).

It’s like the past and some unknown future are being combined into one, and I can see the path lines that are shaping me up for a future. Time in the present feels like doesn’t really exist in this little limbo pocket of introspection right now. It’s a very odd sensation, because I’m going about my business of (endlessly) trying to find a job, feed the cat, go to the store, pay bills, take the trash to the dump, clean house, and other mundane life stuff.

Just trying to find meaning to it all. Sometimes there’s a little light in flashes of synchronicity (coincidence, I know) in lucid dreams that I’ve been having that are just so vivid, even for this dreamer of five to six lifelike dreams a night.

A few nights ago, I dreamed I was trying to warn someone to evacuate with their animals, and it kinda turned into a nightmare. I was screaming at them, “Just leave. You’re in danger.” but they just went about their day, like I was invisible. I didn’t even know what the danger was, but somebody was harassing me to make sure I told this individual. Like I was at work, and had to get a job done, but I was just slacking off. I didn’t even really know who the individual was, really, I have just attached the moniker “Figment” to the individual (as in figment of my imagination, of course) just because they keep appearing in my dreams.

So, I’m just trying to meditate, perform little rituals to anyone who may be listening, make a bucket list for my future life (lives) just for fun, write, and dream of figments and other worlds. Maybe out of all these practices, guidance will come from somewhere. Because I’m quite stuck. And I’m not used to being stuck. Or in an indecisive limbo. (<–bulldozer in human form.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alchemy of Chess…

 

Alec Hardison: Maybe if you let me use the Vulcan rules like I’m accustomed to… “The Queen’s Gambit Job” Leverage (TV show)

“A Few Hours After This” –The Cure

A little while ago, I wrote an article for Renaissance Magazine on Human Chess Matches. (It’s a great magazine, btw! 🙂  )

Chess has been on my mind lately, metaphorically, in relation to certain things going on in my little chaotic world.

As a result, I decided to include some links for human chess match events around the world for my Travel Tuesday blog!

(What’s a human chess match?)

In Marostica, Italy–September 2016: http://www.wheremilan.com/events/human-chess-game-marostica-september-2016/

It might be part of the Hue Festival in Hue City, Vietnam (I tried to find the event for the next festival, but no luck. Still looks awesome, anyway!): https://www.flickr.com/photos/laresidencehue/26329563512

The Metrocon Anime Convention does a chess match every year–it’s awesome!: http://www.metroconventions.com/control.cfm?ID=4041

Six Elements Theatre’s Human Chess Match: http://www.sixelementscompany.org/news/

That’s it for now…the outside world is beckoning…

 

Food for…Football!

From Trainspotting:

Gail, Lizzie: What are you two talking about?
Spud, Tommy: Football! What are you talking about?
Gail, Lizzie: Shopping!

 

It’s been a very strange, dreamy week in the Chaos Realm. A fellow blogger is going to see The Cure in concert, and it’s been bringing up a lot of memories (bloody nostalgia LOL) from my experiences when I saw The Cure (hope your experience is just as magical and wonderful, This Nerd’s Life).

Maybe I’ve just been exploring too many alternate dimensions while I sleep…having very intense dreams. Or something else is afoot.

So, another shortcut blog after I skipped a few.

I’ve been watching (European) football while I (pretend to) write. It’s been exciting so far! Can’t wait until it resumes on Saturday.

I stumbled across this article on the UEFA website while trying to come up with an idea for this week’s food blog.

“What do Europe’s football fans eat?”

Also:

“Football Food around the World”

If gourmet eats are your thing:

https://www.finedininglovers.com/stories/the-best-gourmet-food-at-football-grounds/

 

 

Goodbye for now. Off to wander amazing realms.

Music for dream voyages  (courtesy of The Cure and Legendary Pink Dots):

On Another Shore

Closedown

To Wish Impossible Things

A Thousand Hours

A Few Hours after This

Dredd Song

Cut Here

 

 

 

 

Nostalgia Infects the Chaos Realm…

Arrgh. Nostalgia. It’s this weird blend of enjoyable moping overlaid with futile regret.

Then I was reading through the latest posts from blogs I follow, and found one blog, Movierob, starting a new series about their “movie memories“.

I almost wish I could have my memories wiped as depicted in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (one of my favourite movies).

As always, I try to walk the fine line between getting too personal on the blog, while sharing stuff that I care about, or go through. Is that falling into the narcissist trap? I don’t know.

Anyway, here’s a listing of some of nostalgia-based time travel trips I’ve been taking lately.

  • U2’s Achtung Baby! tour–my first big stadium concert–a fabulous experience! Started reminiscing about the concert while listening to U2 on iTunes the other day.
  • The Cure’s Wild Mood Swings concert! An event I won’t ever forget. It actually turned out to be really magical and serendipitous! Actuallly, The Cure has always been a strong source of inspiration and other-worldliness in my life–since I was about 14 or so. It’s cheesy, but they still remain one of my imagination/dreamy touchstones. So, when I went to the concert, and it was (mostly) just as magical and serendiptious (which still persists to this day), it confirmed that what I had felt all those years was “real” in a manner of speaking. Very validating experience.
  • Seeing my first, and only, green flash at sunset, at, fittingly, what used to be known as Sunset on Siesta Key. We used to all congregate there and have an impromptu drum circle right at Sunset on Sundays. But the local powers that be kowtowed to complaining, rich, out-of-state condo owners and they banned all parking and gatherings at the pier there. There’s still a drum circle on Siesta Beach on Sundays, but to me it lacks a certain joie de vivre. It’s just too…organized? Planned? Structured? It just doesn’t feel as spontaneous as it used to.
  • Opals. I’m not much of a jewelry/gem person, even though I like geology and rocks. I blame reading The Black Opal by Victoria Holt when I was a kid.
  • Trixie Belden book series. She seems to have fallen by the wayside in modern-day children’s books reprints, as opposed to Nancy Drew.
  • Whoopi Goldberg in Jumpin’ Jack Flash. I loved her in this movie. She was smart and eccentric, and she didn’t take any sh*t from people. One of my childhood mentors.
  • Audre Lorde’s The Black Unicorn. Helped me when I felt really alienated from others in middle school
  • Mrs. Redding. A middle school teacher that introduced me to classics from Hurston, Lorde, Dove, Hughes, Walker–when everyone else at the school was saying I was retarded.
  • Shop class at Sarasota Middle School. The teacher was really encouraging, and was kinda a mentor. I was the only girl in the class, (school officials at Sarasota but he took me under his wing. He liked that I took the class seriously, and helped me gain a little bit of confidence in myself.
  • The Theatre. Without the theatre (building sets, running lights, ushering, running box office, teaching drama to younger kids), I would have really been lost growing up. School was not challenging, intellectually, and I struggled with the conformist environment of standardized public education–to the point where I skipped about 90% of school. Even though I managed to still graduate with a 3.0 and got my diploma, I consider the theatre environment to have been my real education. That, and reading books in a undetectable hiding spot at school, when I couldn’t get off the grounds.
  • The Carefree Learner. This was a boat that we got to take field trips on to monitor the ecology of the bay. It was awesome. Real life science!

What about you? Have you been waxing nostalgic about the rose-coloured past lately? If so, share your experiences in the comments below!

Have a relaxing Sunday!

A Strange (Sun)Day…

Uh oh… (historian humour? Amazing! *laugh*): http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-historians-warn-the-past-is-expanding-at-a,37827/

A Strange Day (from my favourite Cure album): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUEAuwEt-JQ

Comets can be strange, too: http://www.space.com/28337-rosetta-comet-spacecraft-strange-discoveries.html

Um…: http://disinfo.com/2015/01/texas-woman-claims-bigfoot-just-baby/

Why is it, again, that I can’t find work? *wry laugh* http://www.livescience.com/49528-king-tutankhamun-beard-glued.html

*adds a pair to wishlist* http://www.space.com/26021-best-binoculars.html

I vote for the Marion Ravenwood one! http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-supporting-characters-who-deserve-their-own-movie/

That is just too darn awesome that they are rescuing the fish. http://gizmodo.com/thousands-of-fish-to-be-freed-from-abandoned-mall-fish-1679918305

Animals need to be made into world powers: http://nywolf.org/wolf-cam/red-wolves-ex2/den

I’ll just pretend I didn’t see this. (So, the premise of this article is, if you’re not a kid, you can eat all the pizza you want?): http://www.livescience.com/49490-kids-pizza-consumption.html

About that job? *laugh* http://www.livescience.com/49518-sitting-cancer-heart-risk.html

Too much time on one’s hands? (Though I actually used to put my shirts like this when I had a dresser) http://tre31-8.diply.com/trendyjoe/organize-closet-and-drawers/87531

Music Mixes Part II

This time, I’ve listed music mixes people have made me over the years (and, yes, three of these are actually on real cassette tapes). I’m writing them as they appear on the actual lists they made. So many memories/nostalgia.

(I got these–Playlists A & B–from a lovely wood elf during a voyage to an alternate dimension *sigh* They’re a treasured favourite–because of the extraordinary, unusual circumstances behind them…)

Playlist A:

The Cure–Plainsong
Slowdive–Melon Yellow
Gary Numan–Love Isolation
David Bowie–Glass Spider
Magnum–Only a Memory
Marillon–Bridge
Slowdive–Catch the Breeze
Michael Jackson–Earth Song
Black Lab–This Night
Type O Negative–Can’t Lose You
My Bloody Valentine–No More Sorry
VAST–Lady of my Dreams
Travis–Broken Mirror
Seal–Crazy
T.H.C.–Overfire
Skylar Grey–Building a Monster
NIN–Every Day is Exactly the Same
 

Playlist B:

The Mission–Butterfly on a Wheel
David Bowie–Kooks
Slint–Washer
Ozzy Osbourne–Dreamer
VAST–Flames
Madonna–Frozen
Gary Numan–Dream Killer
Black Lab–Keep Myself Awake
VAST–Lost
VNV Nation–Illusion
 

These came from an old friend who died in January, and who is hopefully on her own voyage in fantastical parallel dimensions. (I’m sorry.)

The Sliced Finger Tape comp
Chris & Cosey–October Love Song/Relay/Smell the Roses
The Angels of Light–Angels of Light
The Best of Divine–I’m so Beautiful
Tubeway Army (Gary Numan)–Down in the Park
Seer–Private Plane
Dalek I–Dalek I love you
John Foxx–Underpass
Fadgadget–Ricky’s Hand
P.I.L.–Pied Piper
 
Untitled comp
Shadow Project–By God
Sonic Youth–Star Power
Psychic TV (Pink Floyd tribute)–Set Controls for the Heart of the Sun
Leather Strip–Learning to Fly
Moby–Porcelain/Why does my heart feel so bad/The Sky is Broken
Can–Spoon
Godley & Creme–Cry
 

This was from some wacky, but interesting, best friend that I had once upon a time–90s maybe?…I look at this list, and it practically reads my fan list–David Bowie–check, The Cure–check, New Order, Nitzer Ebb, Jane’s Addiction, etc etc.

Tor’s Valentine’s Day Comp
Side One
New Order–World (The Price of Love)
Rollins Band–On my Way to the Cage
NIN–Happiness in Slavery
Leonard Cohen–The Future
MC 900FT Jesus–The City Sleeps
Cowboy Junkies–Escape is so Simple
The Cure–Strange Attraction
Nitzer Ebb–Getting Closer (Pool Mix)
Bad Brains–How Low can a Punk Get
Bad Brains–Another Damn Song
Sunshine Blind–Release
A hilarious bit by my friend–titled PSA
Side Two
Jane’s Addiction–Had a Dad
Beastie Boys–Transit Cop
Beastie Boys–Jimi
David Bowie–Suffragette City
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult–Mr. & Mrs. Bottomless Pit
Erasure–Love to Hate You
Utah Saints–What can you do for me?
Babylon Zoom–Spaceman
Funker Vogt–Fantasics
Skinny Puppy–Worlock
Course of Empire–Houdini’s Blind
Deathline Int–Diseases
SATORI–Passion of Lovers
 

So that’s it–now I’m drowning in nostalgia and going to go weep into a pint of ice cream. *wry laugh*

 fishsea