Don’t look back…

 

Don’t look back…

When the clock not only

winds down but runs backwards

is where I meet you again

for the first time.

Getting off the bus

seeking a hazelnut coffee

the instant recognition of our thousand lives

together.

All for the price of a silver figurine on a chain.

My friend made me listen to the song you wrote.

“It’s all about you,” she said, but I chose not to listen.

I should have believed.

In fate.

In our midnight time at the cottage.

In dreams that were real.

Yet, old age grants me a second chance.

My memories come back,

bigger and brighter.

This time, I take your hand,

walk down the beach with you,

and never look back.

–A Chaos Fairy

 

(Just a little background music from my favourite band to set the mood 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyCqW_r-McI )

 

 

 

Lonely ghosts and an almost-full moon…

 

A very sensory, yet very surreal, week. Or mindset.

Things are both ambiguous and very clear. In mental limbo and yet absolutely certain about…well, see the secrets part below.

A inevitability from which there is no escape, and yet, a promise of a new beginning.

It’s a little maddening and frightening, but also soothing and comforting.

I’m frustrated and resigned at the same time. I’m believing in my instincts and dreams and signs but also practical about their impossibility in this dimension.

The moon is blue-bright and has been keeping me awake, but it’s not even full yet.

There’s lots of secrets, which are also revelations.

Some songs from the 90s are (uncharacteristically!?!?) the current soundtrack to my inner world. Out of nowhere I had this urge to listen to them.

I’m both running away and towards something, simultaneously. Distance, and closeness, all at once.

Nothing much seems to have a point right now, including this blog, yet I’m compelled to put words out there, even if they are trivial, unrelated, or don’t make any sense.

Watched a movie tonight titled “I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore”.

Been wanting to give “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” a re-watch, and re-read Griffin and Sabine, but hesitated to take that literary/cinematic journey.

“Foolish man. You cannot turn me into a phantom because you are frightened. You do not dismiss a muse at whim.” – Sabine Strohem
Nick Bantock, Griffin and Sabine

 

 

Scrambled Sunday x10

 

Muddled would be a good word for the day. Or the week. My eyes/vision has been a little more wonky this past week.

But, then, everything is (still) going wonky. I’ve been trying to meditate and focus on healing and chakras and mindfulness and all that kind of crap, but it’s a frustrating process sometimes, for someone who’s more action- and results-orientated. I wish I had the magic to heal my eyes myself. Or to fix things this 437th (transition) time around. Let’s just say I’m not very good at the whole passive acceptance thing. ROFL.

Been trying to look at blogs but I’m afraid my very old computer (by modern-day standards) might be dying. Or it’s my internet. It feels like the old days of dial-up when you were just staring at that little hourglass going around and around, only now it’s a circle. Still annoying though. A lot of the blogs I subscribe to never even loaded and eventually I had to shut them down. It’s been like that all week. So, sorry if I failed to stop by your blog! 🙂

Then I went somewhere for someone else’s celebration and was staring at what I think is a new food trend–deconstruction/deconstructed. The lemon tart I ordered looked very pretty and artistic but I just couldn’t understand why it was in pieces. Perfect blobs of meringue on one side, dots of some dark red jelly, a rectangle of jiggly lemon filling standing in the middle, and a bunch of crumbles to its left. I was perplexed by the dish. I guess the concept of fancy food is lost on me. *laugh*

But a lot is perplexing me these days. Kinda stuck in a morass of confusion right now while I try to figure things out. Or not. Just sit here and wait for things to come, because endless striving doesn’t seem to bring anything closer?

But, I am having really amazing dreams, for the most part. When they’re not about people I used to know have died without me knowing about it and are now ghosts and watching me as I go through my sad little life routines. 🙂 In real ghost life, they probably have much better things to be doing. A lot of the dreams I’ve been having, I’ve been channelling into poems. The dreams I’ve been having are about the only thing that makes sense right now, which is even more confusing because they aren’t real. As far as I know, anyway. Except for maybe a couple about…well, I’ll keep that a mystery to the general public. My dreams have got me thinking a lot about reincarnation, though I’m still the skeptical science type in some ways.

But, on the real life side, I got my manuscript back from the individual who was editing it (brave soul!). So, I have to get on rewrites. Which I’m excited about, yet also dreading. It’s a mystery/suspense revolving around the issue of human trafficking.

 

So that’s it in my chaotic world. Hope your Sunday is a lot less scrambled!

Anybody else feeling the lure of the fae this week?

 

 

Limbo of Past and Future, Conjoined.

 

The Cure’s “Doing the Unstuck”

A weird TBT post, I know. But things are weird in the Chaos Realm as of late. Weirder than usual, anyway.

Been seeing the previews for that TV show, Timeless, on NBC. I really thought it was a show  based on the books by Connie Willis (about the exploits of time-traveling historians/history detectives.) but it wasn’t, sadly. Or thankfully, since I typically like the book versions better.

Right now, like a time traveller perhaps, I feel stuck between my past and a nebulous future (imagine if there really were such a thing as reincarnation, and you were getting hints of your future life–that’s what it feels like). It’s really weird, like depression, but not really, just a confusing mass of sh*t that’s all swirling around and hard to figure out. Or move forward. Limbo, essentially. Or a purgatory, Dante-style. And it’s not even really good nostalgia, either, just more of a hindsight wake-up call about the things I should done differently, and how I should have reacted to the situations I was in–made different decisions–chose a different path, character-wise. Chose to be me in different, better ways. It’s weird, because I’ve never been one to really dwell on things, just pick myself up, dust myself off, and plan a new adventure, or a new life track. But, after 437 beat-downs/put-downs, I’m feeling a little weary, as you can imagine. LOL Maybe I’m thinking about all this as part of life lessons for a next life…or so goes the thought path my imagination runs away with, on occasion. (The curse of being a creative thinker–always walking that fine line between imagination and madness, right? Those gymnastics Olympians on the balance beam have nothing on us!).

It’s like the past and some unknown future are being combined into one, and I can see the path lines that are shaping me up for a future. Time in the present feels like doesn’t really exist in this little limbo pocket of introspection right now. It’s a very odd sensation, because I’m going about my business of (endlessly) trying to find a job, feed the cat, go to the store, pay bills, take the trash to the dump, clean house, and other mundane life stuff.

Just trying to find meaning to it all. Sometimes there’s a little light in flashes of synchronicity (coincidence, I know) in lucid dreams that I’ve been having that are just so vivid, even for this dreamer of five to six lifelike dreams a night.

A few nights ago, I dreamed I was trying to warn someone to evacuate with their animals, and it kinda turned into a nightmare. I was screaming at them, “Just leave. You’re in danger.” but they just went about their day, like I was invisible. I didn’t even know what the danger was, but somebody was harassing me to make sure I told this individual. Like I was at work, and had to get a job done, but I was just slacking off. I didn’t even really know who the individual was, really, I have just attached the moniker “Figment” to the individual (as in figment of my imagination, of course) just because they keep appearing in my dreams.

So, I’m just trying to meditate, perform little rituals to anyone who may be listening, make a bucket list for my future life (lives) just for fun, write, and dream of figments and other worlds. Maybe out of all these practices, guidance will come from somewhere. Because I’m quite stuck. And I’m not used to being stuck. Or in an indecisive limbo. (<–bulldozer in human form.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creepy Science Tales & Theories, with some scientific debunking thrown in…

“Brains!”

http://www.iflscience.com/brain/rare-parasitic-worm-wriggled-across-mans-brain-4-years

Always wondered what scientific explanation might be for this phenomenon…will have to read up more:

http://disinfo.com/2014/11/young-boy-claiming-reincarnated-marine/

Never really thought much about checking my pee *laugh*:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/what-color-your-urine-says-about-your-health

So, brutal, aggressive, violent men are less evolutionary-divergent humans…? Imagine that…*laugh*

http://www.livescience.com/48743-aggressive-chimps-reproduce-more.html?adbid=10152391876251761&adbpl=fb&adbpr=30478646760&cmpid=514627_20141122_35572127

I”m reminded of that scene from “The Mummy” 🙂 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J-PhFYNbOU):

http://www.iflscience.com/environment/researchers-decipher-ancient-egyptian-spellbook

More about Mermaids and Mermen…

http://www.livescience.com/39882-mermaid.html?adbid=10152392524381761&adbpl=fb&adbpr=30478646760&cmpid=514627_20141122_35895637