Don’t look back…


Don’t look back…

When the clock not only

winds down but runs backwards

is where I meet you again

for the first time.

Getting off the bus

seeking a hazelnut coffee

the instant recognition of our thousand lives


All for the price of a silver figurine on a chain.

My friend made me listen to the song you wrote.

“It’s all about you,” she said, but I chose not to listen.

I should have believed.

In fate.

In our midnight time at the cottage.

In dreams that were real.

Yet, old age grants me a second chance.

My memories come back,

bigger and brighter.

This time, I take your hand,

walk down the beach with you,

and never look back.

–A Chaos Fairy


(Just a little background music from my favourite band to set the mood 🙂 )




Lonely ghosts and an almost-full moon…


A very sensory, yet very surreal, week. Or mindset.

Things are both ambiguous and very clear. In mental limbo and yet absolutely certain about…well, see the secrets part below.

A inevitability from which there is no escape, and yet, a promise of a new beginning.

It’s a little maddening and frightening, but also soothing and comforting.

I’m frustrated and resigned at the same time. I’m believing in my instincts and dreams and signs but also practical about their impossibility in this dimension.

The moon is blue-bright and has been keeping me awake, but it’s not even full yet.

There’s lots of secrets, which are also revelations.

Some songs from the 90s are (uncharacteristically!?!?) the current soundtrack to my inner world. Out of nowhere I had this urge to listen to them.

I’m both running away and towards something, simultaneously. Distance, and closeness, all at once.

Nothing much seems to have a point right now, including this blog, yet I’m compelled to put words out there, even if they are trivial, unrelated, or don’t make any sense.

Watched a movie tonight titled “I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore”.

Been wanting to give “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” a re-watch, and re-read Griffin and Sabine, but hesitated to take that literary/cinematic journey.

“Foolish man. You cannot turn me into a phantom because you are frightened. You do not dismiss a muse at whim.” – Sabine Strohem
Nick Bantock, Griffin and Sabine



Reprising a Nocturne


Reprising a Nocturne

How would I play it this time?

As you hint at a second chance

At least, in my imagination,

or composed in last night’s dream.

Again, the wolf howls for the raven

to return.

Again, we dream each other close,

sleeping safe in amber.

Again, I awake with your echo in my heart

and on my skin.

Again, I promise you something real.







#TBT Soundtracks!

I was just reminded how much I love movie, TV, and video game soundtracks–which inspired this Throwback Thursday post. (Maybe that dates me—calling them soundtracks LOL) Yep, another lazy post from the lazy Chaos Fairy, but it’s so hot here, and I’m missing rain and moisture so much in this desert locale. *sigh* It has GOT to rain soon…welcome to the future of global warming I suppose–as it’s monsoon season here and not a drop of rain.

Anyhoo, here’s a list of some of my favourite soundtracks from a distant (and, not-so-distant) past. What’s yours?

Suburbia (Penelope Spheeris film)

Christiane F.


The Angelic Conversation



The Secret of NIMH

The Myst games and the Riven soundtracks (no link–but you can find them online. I especially like the Myst: Exile soundtrack)

Twin Peaks

The X-Files

Lost Highway

American McGee’s Alice

Run Lola Run

Buffy the Vampire Slayer



The Piano

The Island of Doctor Moreau

The Fifth Element


Mix (Cassette) Tapes


Rob: The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don’t wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules. Anyway… I’ve started to make a tape… in my head… for Laura. Full of stuff she likes. Full of stuff that makes her happy. For the first time I can sort of see how that is done.–High Fidelity 


I love making mix tapes. As in on actual cassette tapes. I still like to make mixes, but it just doesn’t have the same…magic? (After all, I grew up with records and 8-tracks so I guess I could claim that as an excuse. And, the era of dedicating songs to others on the radio.)

I have mix tapes that were made for me years ago. They still play. Some of them I can’t even listen to because the memories are so overpowering. But they’re there. Like little ghosts that whisper “Hey, once upon a time someone loved you.” They make me feel both less alone and yet lonely–missing the people that made them (mostly, to be honest). But I can’t get rid of them.

I guess it’s good I don’t have anyone to make mix-tapes for, currently. I can see handing them a cassette tape and them thinking “What the f**k am I supposed to do with this?” *laughs* (If that didn’t put them off, I’m pretty sure a mix made from my old-school goth/punk/industrial/alternative selections would.)

A while ago, somebody made me a mix-tape online, which I wasn’t really too fond of (see above quote from High Fidelity), but the method was interesting. I think it was called “Everyone’s Mix-Tape” but I don’t really remember, and I couldn’t find it online anymore.

Anyway, enough chatter. I posted a link on more current ways (maybe?) to make a mix-tape for someone. Share (in the comments below) if you have more modern ways to make mix-tapes–they’re definitely needed! *smiles*

And, found this on how to make a mix-tape cover using Photoshop:

Happy Monday!





Food for…Football!

From Trainspotting:

Gail, Lizzie: What are you two talking about?
Spud, Tommy: Football! What are you talking about?
Gail, Lizzie: Shopping!


It’s been a very strange, dreamy week in the Chaos Realm. A fellow blogger is going to see The Cure in concert, and it’s been bringing up a lot of memories (bloody nostalgia LOL) from my experiences when I saw The Cure (hope your experience is just as magical and wonderful, This Nerd’s Life).

Maybe I’ve just been exploring too many alternate dimensions while I sleep…having very intense dreams. Or something else is afoot.

So, another shortcut blog after I skipped a few.

I’ve been watching (European) football while I (pretend to) write. It’s been exciting so far! Can’t wait until it resumes on Saturday.

I stumbled across this article on the UEFA website while trying to come up with an idea for this week’s food blog.

“What do Europe’s football fans eat?”


“Football Food around the World”

If gourmet eats are your thing:



Goodbye for now. Off to wander amazing realms.

Music for dream voyages  (courtesy of The Cure and Legendary Pink Dots):

On Another Shore


To Wish Impossible Things

A Thousand Hours

A Few Hours after This

Dredd Song

Cut Here





Save the Planet! (It’s not as hard as you think!)

I decided to include a few links for sites that will help you get involved, as well as some tips for volunteers and the organizations seeking volunteers.


  1. Leave your egos behind.This goes for incoming volunteers as well as for organizations in general. I’ve seen more non-profits fall apart due to power struggles. It’s amazingly difficult for humans to get along, I know. I struggle with that every damn day, with my marginal social skills! *laugh* Just remember, you are there for a cause–whether it’s for trees, bees, critters, the ocean–and that comes first. Don’t let your passion be swallowed up by petty power struggles, infighting, and backstabbing.
  2. Just because it’s volunteer work, doesn’t mean that you should be less-than-professional and responsible. Treat it just like a job and avoid gossiping and other socially based pitfalls. Honor your obligations, and if you don’t have the time or energy, be honest and communicate. Most organizations are so grateful to have help, they are willing to work with you to help you find your niche within the group. Volunteer organizations should be flexible enough to work around your schedule and personal skills. If they start treating you like an (unpaid) employee, and taking advantage of your willingness to help out, communicate with the powers that be.
  3. Having said that for #2, keep in mind that not all volunteer work is glamorous and exciting–protesting on the front lines, etc. Stuffing envelopes and cleaning out kennels is just as valuable as being a weekend warrior activist/protester. And, by your willingness to work hard and do anything and everything for the organization–well, that can have benefits you might not realize. It can lead to you discovering new career options, or even a job offer–one that pays REALLY WELL!
  4. Explore what you love and always wanted to try your hand at. Volunteering is a great way to scratch things off your bucket list! It’s okay that the volunteer experience be rewarding for you, as well. Helping you build a new skill set, explore different cultures, etc. If you start feeling like an unappreciated grunt, say so. Or, explore other volunteer groups till you find the place that really ignites your passion. Then you won’t mind washing out bird and animal poop all day long. There are so many organizations that need help: Arts & Music organizations, Theatres, Film Festivals, Kids’ organizations–the possibilities are endless.
  5. Watch for signs of burnout. Set limits and parameters. Volunteer work can be rewarding, but most humans are not candidates for sainthood–you can burn out on it, because much of it is very mentally and emotionally draining. I am still on sabbatical from animal rescue work because it got so overwhelming and intense. And, truthfully, there were probably some behind-the-scenes infighting/backstabbing stuff going on that I didn’t realize in my naivety, at the time.
  6. Want to volunteer, but need to earn money? Are you an ideas person? Consider contacting the organization to discuss a grant proposal that will include money for you, but also cover a project idea(s) that will help keep the organization dynamic or help them find a new way to engage the community, or maintain a presence within the local, or national, community.
  7. Don’t rule out internships! They can be a fun way to travel to new places! And you might be able to get a stipend/room and board.

Here’s some website links to help you find your perfect volunteer experience. Feel free to post up any more links in the comments below. Remember, collect experiences, not things!