Lonely ghosts and an almost-full moon…


A very sensory, yet very surreal, week. Or mindset.

Things are both ambiguous and very clear. In mental limbo and yet absolutely certain about…well, see the secrets part below.

A inevitability from which there is no escape, and yet, a promise of a new beginning.

It’s a little maddening and frightening, but also soothing and comforting.

I’m frustrated and resigned at the same time. I’m believing in my instincts and dreams and signs but also practical about their impossibility in this dimension.

The moon is blue-bright and has been keeping me awake, but it’s not even full yet.

There’s lots of secrets, which are also revelations.

Some songs from the 90s are (uncharacteristically!?!?) the current soundtrack to my inner world. Out of nowhere I had this urge to listen to them.

I’m both running away and towards something, simultaneously. Distance, and closeness, all at once.

Nothing much seems to have a point right now, including this blog, yet I’m compelled to put words out there, even if they are trivial, unrelated, or don’t make any sense.

Watched a movie tonight titled “I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore”.

Been wanting to give “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” a re-watch, and re-read Griffin and Sabine, but hesitated to take that literary/cinematic journey.

“Foolish man. You cannot turn me into a phantom because you are frightened. You do not dismiss a muse at whim.” – Sabine Strohem
Nick Bantock, Griffin and Sabine



Misfit Wish List…


I wish…

…that magic was real

…that it was still Harry Potter’s birthday (dumb, I know)

…that my sheets were dry, so I could go back to bed

…that the dark I once loved didn’t feel so alone

…that I had a secret garden

…or a mystical island

…that I wasn’t the Chaos Fairy

…that something would finally work out

…that the world made sense

…that I made sense

…that I would dream of…well, if you’re visiting me there, you know

…that people loved trees and creatures and bugs as much as corporations and money

…that I would get the phone call (or letter) I’ve been waiting for

…that I was good at something. Anything.

…that I belonged in this world, and not only by way of my dreams.


(Off to the real world, now. *laugh*)

Albus Dumbledore: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone)

Travel through Fairy Tales…


Last night, I was watching Cake Wars and they were creating Beauty and the Beast cakes. For some reason, I really wanted to live in a fairy tale at that moment…even though they are often not all innocence and fluffy magic.

So, this week’s post is about travelling through real-life fairy tales. After sifting through hundreds of links for Disney vacations, I put some links I liked below. May you live happily ever after and all that cr*p.  LOL 🙂

(Send me a postcard if you find Neverland!)












What’s your favourite fairy-tale locale, travellers?

Why I Could Never Be a Celebrity…



Photo Source: http://giphy.com/gifs/gary-oldman-sid-vicious-and-nancy-KhV9OTXFatX56

In the town I grew up in Florida, celebrities were ever present, but became like wallpaper–they just blended into the surroundings after a while. I wasn’t really interested in celebrity-hounding, even as a naive-yet-adventurous 20-something alt kid. I preferred just to leave them in peace and ignore any celebrities I ran into while getting my twenty-pack of toilet paper at the bargain store.

So, the whole crushing-on-celebrities seems sort of odd to me. And the lurid celebrity gossip magazines at the local stores really bother me. I mean, why on earth would you want the reality behind the movie/play/song illusion? Why destroy the fantasy–there are plenty of real-life people out there just waiting to rip our most beloved dreams to shreds in regards to love and other affairs of the heart.

(I touched on this in another post, Reading with a Grain of Salt, about being comfortable with the unconsummated magic of non-reality.)

From my introvert’s perspective, I just don’t know how those celebs do it. Constantly being in the public eye, no privacy, every aspect of their selves, their looks, their lives, and everything they do is obsessed over and dissected. Especially with the advent of social media.

It makes me glad I’m an aspiring writer aka nobody. (Even as a nobody, I’ve been stalked, harassed, and threatened multiple times IRL, so maybe that makes me a little more empathetic/sympathetic). Plus, as a writer, you can go insane quietly, behind closed doors, until the day comes that your neighbours begin to notice a strange smell from next door, and call the police. It seems like writers can get away with going mad (*cough* Edgar Allan Poe)–acquiring more delightful euphemisms for insanity (or drug/alchohol habits) such as “quirky” or “eccentric” or “imaginative”. Well, unless you’re a female writer, as history has unfortunately proven. But, I think we writers are supremely equipped to raid the fictional personas as displayed by celebrities, scriptwriters, other writers, poets/poems, and artists–even video games–and, truthfully, comfortably exploit them as muses* to spark our imaginations and inspire our own creative works, without getting lost in the madness where unreality becomes a substitute for reality. (While successfully avoiding plagarism, mind you. *stern schoolteacher look*)

In the words of NCIS‘s Very Special Agent Timothy McGee: “How many times do I have to tell you? The book is a work of fiction!”

I can only imagine how I might be as a public-image celebrity hounded by fans everywhere I went and online as well (Though, in a future reincarnation, I’d be more open to the possibility. Being a starving artist kinda sucks. LOL).

I would probably betray my bleeding-heart-liberal, progressive, grassroots activist belief system about things like gun control and set myself up in a heavily-manned island fortress just for a bit of privacy. And never, ever, go anywhere without a platoon of armed mercenaries. I can see the hashtag campaign now: #fanlivesmatter.

The Chaos Fairy re-imagined as a public-image-based celebrity**:

Fan #1: “Can I have your autograph?”

Celebrity Chaos gives Fan #1 a death glare.

Fan #1: “Please, it would mean so much to me. My dad and I always used to watch your movies together when I was growing up. Until the family bull trampled him to death in the north pasture.”

Celebrity Chaos: “Piss off, I’m in the middle of eating my organic, locally grown, gluten-free vegan burger. If your dad had been a vegetarian instead of a cow murderer, maybe he’d still be alive.”

Fan #1: “You’re an a-hole.”

Celebrity Chaos tazes Fan #1 with her eco-friendly, solar-powered Tazer. Resumes eating her veggie burger nonchalantly.

Disclaimer section for above asterisks:

*Attaining muse status does not mean that you are that person’s true love, soulmate, BFF, boy toy, cougar, or that they would even like you if they met you in real life.

**This only exists in the author’s imagination. It is a completely fictionalized scenario and absolutely does not reflect The Chaos Fairy in real life, nor is it about any existing real people, fans, celebrities, a-holes, restaurants, veggie burgers, cows, pastures, eco-friendly Tazers, mermaids, unicorns, fairies, elves, dragons…

Meow Wolf’s House of Eternal Return

So, I was lucky enough to have someone treat me to a trip to Meow Wolf’s House of Eternal Return. It’s an incredible exploratory and interactive experience.

Words can barely describe the feeling that you get when you are there.

You never want to leave…it’s a dream that you had when you were a kid but forgot about until now.

It’s every fantasy book you’ve ever read, come to life.

Alice in Wonderland.

Charles de Lint’s The Onion Girl.

The Victorian/Baroque feel of a Victoria Holt novel.

The Gormenghast Trilogy.

I could go on, but I’d rather you get lost in the House of Eternal Return, instead.

Just go. Get on a plane. Take a train. Take a portal. Cross galaxies. Whatever you have to do to experience it.

Visit the Meow Wolf website for more information:


New York Times slideshow (visual spoilers):



I Nearly Forgot…

…to put up a blog post! And, I still can’t think of anything interesting.

So, I figure I’ll do a look back, and a little bit of a look forward, into my simplistic life (well, until the travel/adventuring date arrives).

  • TONIGHT is the season finale of Once Upon a Time! TWO HOURS of OUAT!!! (well, probably more like an hour and change sans commercials :-p) Who’s going to watch?
  • I felt a little sad when I read about Arto Monaco’s fantasy dream, the Land of Makebelieve, had to close back in 1979, via the book Fun Along the Road. And, I was even more saddened to learn, via the Wikipedia article, that the last remaining building, the castle, was destroyed by flooding caused by Hurricane Irene. I don’t know why this impacted me. People with lost dreams really get to me, I suppose.
  • Speaking of dream worlds, I FINALLY did some fun stuff on Pottermore! I’ve been sorted into Hufflepuff, and was actually pleased with the result. Plus, I’ve always loved this “Sorted this Way” parody video! “Put your badger paws up in the air!” My wand is made of “surprisingly swishy” rowan. I think I bought a natterjack toad, but I can’t find it anywhere on my profile, so far. LOL. Any other HP fans on there?
  • I absolutely loved these two dances on DWTS: Ursula and Captain Jack Sparrow.
  • I added a new bug to my bug spotting list: the Eastern-Eyed Click Beetle! Anybody else out there an insect lover?
  • I think my (indoor-only) cat, Cricket, has made a deep personal connection with a raccoon that was hanging around in a tree outside a few mornings ago. She keeps watching the tree where it was last seen (from the window). Either that, or she really wants to kick its butt. *laugh* Knowing her, though, it’s probably the second option.
  • I downsized my book hoard by nineteen books! Woot!

All right, I’m off to water plants and do other prosaic things. *sigh*

“Reality is very disappointing.” –Jonathan Switcher, from Mannequin

2015 Horoscope Courtesy of IFLScience! (found it on their Facebook page)

Image by Fljúgandi Spagettískrímslið.


Thought this pic on IFLScience’s Facebook page was great–it made me laugh! So, yes, I don’t really believe in predictions-via-horoscopes and astrology and fortune-telling and all that. Part of my personality is skeptic, science-loving, analytical, and practical, with an extremely annoying eye for detail, especially when it comes to editing and fact-checking, and in analytical reasoning.

BUT, I do read horoscopes and tarot cards and am always dreaming (both in sleep and during the day) and believe in magic and imagination and the impossibly fantastical and in the fact that trees, plants, animals–even rocks, insects, etc. are sentient, emotional/energy beings.

Why? How can you be both? How can you like both Star Trek AND Star Wars?!?!?!

It’s very simple. I answer, “Why can’t I?”

I like horoscopes because they can be a serendipitous source of creative inspiration–anything is, and to close yourself off from something that you, in all your intellectually based “superiority”, is a deprivation for your self and for your connected, aware experience on this planet. I like tarot readings because they give me insight when I’m not thinking clearly. Inspiration and the creative spirit can come from unlikely sources–I’ve even been inspired by the most insipid background TV show. Imagine my brain is a basket and I wander around collecting stuff from everywhere. I weed it through my filter and tuck it away for future reference. They are nothing but tools for the creative imagination, or manifestions of said creative thought. A fun indulgence to get the brain inspired. To get it to dream.

I love physics and natural science and geology and marine science and astronomy and anthropology and environmental science and entomology and archaeology and a million other areas of scientific study/outlets for scientific curiosity. I also ove unicorns and fairies and  dragons and ghosts and aliens and everything else outside the realm of “reality”. I don’t want them proved or disproved scientifically–their primary appeal is that they are impossible. They can exist as real within the no-limits world of the other. I don’t believe in ghosts OR aliens, though I’ve done a ton of reading into both areas. I love the mystery of the unknown–the impossible possibility. If I saw a dragon every day, or in “real life” the mystery and magic would be lost. I love dragons because they exist somewhere between reality and fiction. What I don’t like about a certain sort of scientific mindset (like somebody I encountered, recently) is that they say “you can’t have both” and they look down on me because I straddle both worlds, comfortably, and with no crisis of conscience or conflict or mental split.

I don’t agree with everything scientists do…I don’t think they are the sanctified idols of the 21st century when certain scientific types use “scientific impartiality” as a justification to torture animals in a laboratory. To dissect them, to test poisons on them, to rip them apart and experiment on them whenever they want. It’s sheer sadism, and it’s sick. They are akin to those who kill without compunction–serial killers, for example.

There’s nothing wrong with being a complex, multi-dimensional being. Especially one that rescues stray animals and turtles crossing busy streets while humming the theme song from Star Wars. Or is it Star Trek…?