Falling Earth

Falling Earth

Who will save you,

little creatures?

Who will build the wall

to protect you, gracious trees?

Who will weave the net to catch

your falling earth?

Last night, in dreams,

I made contact with an off-earth race.

“I’m so sorry for what we’ve done,” I said.

So, we worked out a solution

to save the planet, in their interstellar boardroom.

Take away the humans, I said.

Do what you want with us.

Only remember, I pleaded,

we leave behind pets and plants

behind closed doors

with no way out.

Can you save them, too?

I woke with their dream promise in my mind

to wait in foolish hope

for their arrival.

All because I feel helpless

to change the human race.

For Love of Animals and Trees…

 

Professor X: [voiceover] Either way, it is a historical fact: Sharing the world has never been humanity’s defining attribute. (X-Men 2)

As I get older (officially middle-aged, though it feels a lot older), I am plagued with this odd sort of remembrance. I am remembering a lot of things about my girl self that got shoved aside in hopes of becoming somebody loved, worthwhile, hire-able, successful, popular, pretty, rich–all of which, of course, never happened (yet, anyway). So I put away a lot of stuff that made me, me, because society taught me to be ashamed of who I was (and I believed them). Though it was always still sorta there, and it would escape from time to time, as I got involved in environmental causes and animal rights causes and human rights causes. I even majored in environmental science, once upon a time, even though I really wanted to be a marine biologist, but the school I ended up at didn’t offer it. But, math didn’t really come naturally to me, so I let that dissuade me from a career in science.

I was that girl who hated to see animals hurt, even in movies, where they (purportedly) said that the animals weren’t really hurt–it was all for show. I didn’t even like to kill bugs, and tried to fight against the use of pesticides even in my small world of the family home. Even though it was “Nature’s way”, I still had a hard time seeing animals hurt or eaten by other animals. I still feel guilty over the high school dissections I performed in the 80s. I try not to even kill bugs, and feel terrible if I accidentally kill bugs, or fall back into a certain callousness to insects just because I’m tired and it’s been a long day of struggling with too-vivid dreams and depression and anxiety and worry and stress and allergies and workplace hell and I just want to make dinner and go to bed.

The point is; I am realizing what’s really important to me, after all these years. I don’t want to live in a world without animals and trees and wildness in nature. It kills me that the price of having a comfortable life as a human is yet another species going extinct or getting on the endangered list. Animals losing their homes. Trees being murdered. Rampant, unchecked, local-politician-supported-against-all-protective-laws destroying my beloved swamps and ecosystems in my home state of Florida (for example). That the trafficking of endangered species is more widespread than I could even imagine. Just to end up on a dinner plate, for vanity (decoration) or to spend life in captivity as someone’s trophy pet.

https://www.worldwildlife.org/threats/illegal-wildlife-trade

https://www.fws.gov/international/wildlife-trafficking/

So, maybe it’s partial selfishness as I enter into this transition #437–trying to figure out who I am and what kind of life I want to lead going forward. Sometimes it feels frustratingly slow, especially for someone as proactive as I am, coupled with seeing the clock run down for so many non-human lifeforms that we share (or not share) this planet with. It kills me that I’m just sitting here while non-human lifeforms are suffering and dying all around the world, because of us humans.

The takeaway? Who wants to live on a world stripped of trees and plants and birds and snakes and bugs and all the other wonderful diversity of life? Do we really want that on our conscience that we were part of an entire world destruction just because we want our Starbucks coffee and our designer clothes and diamonds and furs so that we know we are loved. What about loving other lifeforms, instead? What about appreciating and protecting the beauty that we already have? Who cares how beautiful we look in the mirror if we live in an ugly, desolate, plastic-bubble, sterile world?

 

So, take steps today. Make choices for the planet and not just for ourselves. Give up meat, even dairy. Buy organic and non-GMO foods. Start an urban garden. Adopt animals from a shelter instead of buying (inbred/puppy mill) breed animals. have your pets spayed/and neutered and keep cats indoor-only. Have yourself (the human equivalent) of spay/neuter–the world has plenty of adoptable children who need homes, too, right here on U.S. soil. Don’t wear fur or leather. Volunteer for animal rights causes. Stop using harmful pesticides and Round-up–learn about xeriscaping instead. Downsize your possessions. Reduce your carbon footprint. Don’t buy new–shop at thrift stores and purchase/remodel an older home rather than a brand-new (cheaply built) home/residence (do you really need six bedrooms and five bathrooms?).

I know I don’t want an entire planetary destruction on my conscience. So, my life going forward will be finding more ways to save the planet, outside of my usual armchair activist activities. Because I don’t want to be alone with just other humans for company. Even though I’m just one person, I want to change. And make change happen.

 

 

 

It’s been a long way down…

Or maybe we never really rose up.

Maybe I’ve been watching too many bleak television shows. (But, that’s not an apology, mind you.)

Coming off of watching The Killing, and now wrapping up the last of Torchwood.

Really hitting me about having to be human, especially looking around at the world.

I never really realised how I always felt like an outsider, but my awareness about being human has shifted over the past month or so. Or maybe just remembering how my awareness used to be when I was a kid.

Trees were amazingly vibrant friends.

Plants sang to me.

To recycle a phrase that’s probably grown cliche (or a borrowed quote from some other human somewhere), I felt their pain with all the “intensity of a thousand knives” hitting me all at once. When trees were being cut down, that pain that I felt was excruciating and unbearable. I wanted to scream with the agony I felt. Sure, you could probably chalk it up to just being an imaginative and sensitive kid, but it didn’t erase how I felt. Especially when I had to be the plant murderer (i.e. mow the grass, trim plants, etc. *wry laugh*). I would be standing there with a pair of hedge clippers just sobbing my little kid heart out. (Yep, I was a weird one!)

I tried. I tried to adopt that normal human insensitivity to non-human life forms. For a while, I succeeded in turning it off. In building up a fortress of protection. But the older I get, the more that fortress crumbles. And I’m back in a morass of emotion, and conflict. It’s like being a teenager, but even worse in some ways.

Animals look at me with souls of the ancients…tolerant, loving, inscrutable, and, sometimes, (rightfully!) angry and/or scared of me as a human that’s come bumbling into their midst. And I love them for it. Because they should be scared and angry.

Yesterday, I saw the article about the whales beaching themselves in Florida. And it was so unemotional. “Why,” I screamed. “How?” “What the f*ck are we doing about it?” And, the answer is nothing. There’s no change we can implement soon enough. Even if we did (and do) care, it’s not enough. There’s nothing we can do.

Because we are human.

And I have never been more ashamed of that fact than right now.

I don’t want to live on a planet without bees and birds and animals and trees and plants and water and oceans and fish and whales and everything else that is a non-human life form.

Akin my (faulty?) memory of Medea (from when I was in middle school), when she talks about being underwater and the fish eating the flesh from her bones until she is pure and white, that’s what I feel sometimes.

Like I want to strip off my human skin and transform into an animal. Or a bird. Or even the air, or an unknown fantastical elemental. Anything but a creature that’s linked biologically to the human race. Enough with cell phones and social media and television and money and stuffy stuff and banal work and being hated and being insulted and put down and being ignored and losing…everything.

And, yes, I know that’s not possible.

But that’s what I wish. have wished since I was a child. And that I could fix things. Help make people around me understand. Help make sure that evil doesn’t win. Like so many kids, maybe, I wanted to be a hero.

But now I just feel helpless.

I am a coward.

I am weak.

I am so very tired.

 

 

 

Why Can’t We Just Get Along?

 

(Well, aside from the fact that we humans are all a bunch of bloody arseholes, that is..)

I don’t care whether you believe in climate change, or not. It’s happening. And we’re just standing around arguing about it in the name of your god(s), whether religion- or science-based.

(Even if your God/Higher Power did create this world, maybe you should look at how you’re returning the favor. By using this “divine creation” as your personal toilet/garbage dump? If I’ve offended you, good. Consider that your wake-up call. I’m already living in a pretty dark place, so threats of eternal damnation aren’t really going to phase me.)

Maybe those rich climate change deniers should pool their resources and buy a private island, then sit back and watch the sea level rise and threaten their (multi-million-dollar?) houses. Then, maybe we’d be united on the climate change front. (Let’s see them try to build the wall to keep out a gazillion gallons of sea water.)

Until then, we’ve got to stick together and come to some sort of accord, rather than waste a bunch of time arguing about religion and knowledge and building walls because of some imagined superiority complex. We’re humans, after all, yet our communication skills when compared to the animals that many look down on or dismiss (now, maybe even trees and plants, as well) suck, quite frankly.

So let’s put our supposed differences aside, and get busy saving the planet.t And the animals. And the trees and planets. All lifeforms, basically. If we don’t, we won’t even have time to argue about all this sh*t, anyway.

Please?

Pretty please with a (non-GMO) cherry on top?

 

(I might take a little break from blogging for the next week or so–see you on the flip side!)

 

 

 

 

Sustainability of Self…

 

I’ve been having this incredibly detailed dreams. My dreams are usually pretty immersive, but, lately, they have been like living another life. Or three, or four, in one night.

Not sure what the (practical) explanation is. Or even what message they are trying to tell me. A few are more simple, but also just as confusing. Because they’re dreams, yet they seem to be building a connection with…something. And, my rational side is saying “They’re just dreams, you tw*t.” *laugh*

So, I woke up after another parallel dimension dream, and felt a bit blue. More than usual, anyway.

Wondering about the place of humans on this planet, when humans just seem to be destroying everything they touch. And where my place in all this madness is. I’ve always been sort of activist-orientated…outspoken, my actions geared towards fighting social injustice, saving animals by the truckloads, loving wild plants and trees that embody the spirit of kismet and serendipity that are perfect symbols of resistance against stereotypical human desire for order and control.

Can it be possible to pull ourselves and our world back from the brink? The geographical history of the planet says yes–because our time (humans, that is) on this planet will be but a blink in the eye of the earth’s life span.

I’ve sort of renewed small ways to reinvent my life…annoyingly slow baby steps for someone as aggressively proactive as myself…but (without seeming like I’m trying to get your pity)…this current life transition has been pretty intense, even for one well-used to chaotic shifts and subsequent rebuilding. And, I just feel like I’ve made so many mistakes–taken wrong paths, and made some not-so-right choices.

I’ve restarted the process of downsizing my books. I’m attempting to meditate. I’m taking  a good, hard look of where I got off track with my life (another way to look at it, is figuring out what path I need to be on.). I’m trying to get rid of a lot of inner baggage, and bring myself back in tune with the things that are important to me and to this planet–nature, animals, conservation, plants.

Arrgh, I’m not explaining this very well, because it’s still sort of emotion- and instinct-based and a little muddled up in my head.

Especially when it feels like the planet and its inhabitants doesn’t have time for me to be stuck in an egocentric/ego-gratifying pool of introspection. (Not that I think I’m going to be the sole person that’s going to save the world, mind you!)

But something does need to shift on a consciousness level within myself in order to help change the world. However small that change is. Whether it’s meditation, action, ass-kicking, healing, opening one’s self to the world around us–I’m still trying to rebuild my toolkit to restore balance in a self and a world that feels like it’s gone mad.

A poetic tweet that was posted from a public figure made all the difference in my little world this morning. They’re probably used to being in the spotlight, but I would feel awkward in posting the link here, but it really gave me a pick-up-me regarding unlimited possibilities of spirit and self. I’ll leave that post to serendipity’s magic for others to find.

Going to try this out in a bit, courtesy of the Forest and Crow blog I follow: https://forestandcrow.com/2016/07/23/20-things-to-be-grateful-for-a-written-meditation-for-restoration/

Now, go out, be mindful of all creatures and growy things (even “weeds”), and change yourselves, and the world, while you’re at it.

 

(Feel free to share mindfulness, consciousness-raising, and other mindfulness techniques in the comments below.)

Reading with a Grain of Salt…

 

Mulder: I want to believe.

Scully: Mulder, that is science fiction.

–from The X-Files

“I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil.
And that no one knows the truth.”
Molly Ivins

 

Again, a couple of Twitter posts inspired this blog entry. (I think I need to get out more. *laugh*)

The internet is a great place. So much information at your fingertips. Historical documents accessible to all, without the expense of a plane trip halfway around the world. And, yes, being human, I’ve definitely spent my share of time looking at trivial things on the internet (*coughs* cat videos), and I’ve even been known to indulge in reading the occasional online horoscope–for entertainment purposes only–but I don’t view it as gospel truth. Even we anal-retentive historians, who live for facts, are perpetually questioning Truth with a capital T, even in books by us and our fellow academic smarty-pants

Why? Because our minds are fallible, complicated by emotions, a passion for jumping to conclusions, and plagued (or enhanced by!) a fantastic imagination.

So, since the internet is the creation of a huge diversity of mind-power, it goes without saying that information via internet doesn’t have its issues.

All  information on the internet should be taken with a grain of salt, unless verified by a valid source. Doesn’t matter whether it’s the triteness of celebrity gossip, or actual scientific articles by a heavy hitter like the Smithsonian–please, always read all content with an analytical eye.

Again, why? Because I feel that learning how to think, analyze, question, is an important part of the mind’s development. As a former/future teacher, I always focus more on getting kids to think, to examine the content put in front of them–not just take it on blind faith–not even what I am telling them. (As you may have guessed, I’m not a supporter of rote learning, or of standardized education.) And the internet is the perfect example of the pitfalls of that lack of educational training.

When we begin to accept anything and everything as truth, without question, then we sacrifice not only our intellect but our capacity for independent thought. We are just giving away our right to question whether something is true or false, right or wrong, or even change our minds by our growing and evolving pool of knowledge and consciousness.

(I love fantasy and flights of imagination and magic and mystery and synchronicity and serendipity, but I’m also a fan of Neil deGrasse Tyson–examples here and here.)

That’s how we sign over control of not only our own selves, but that of our own planet. Our own world. You see, I don’t really believe that people, in general, are really that callous about the state of our planet, climate change deniers included.

We’ve just gotten in the habit of using ignorance as a shield of protection from all the horrible, nightmarish things going on out there–this world is an overwhelming place/time to live in, with all the things we have to face every day, most as a direct result of our lifestyle choices. I was just reading Bushwhacked by Molly Ivins (my reading list is a trifle behind the times, but the book is still illuminating all the same), and she’s talking about the impact of polluted sites left behind by corporate Big Business on people’s health, something about “what you can’t see, CAN hurt you”.

This post, yes, is a bit rambling in nature. But the point is, yes, read, read read, even if it is on the internet, but question it all, even if, like Mulder, you “want to believe”. Because it is possible to be a dreamer like Mulder, but also a shrewd skeptic like Scully, all in one mind/body. To be a romantic and a pragmatist–that’s what defines the human experience.

(Not) Understanding the Suburban Mentality

 

Mulder: “I mean, is it so damn important for everybody to have the same color mailbox?”–The X-Files, “Arcadia”

Okay, I admit, the mentality of suburbanites and gated-community dwellers just plain mystifies me. I used to be a little more philosophical about it–live and let live–as long as I don’t have to live there. Or even visit people I knew who lived there. Until I really became aware of the environmental impact of the suburbs (back in my late teens/early 20s–so a while ago *wry laugh*).

Little Boxes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUoXtddNPAM

Crabgrass Frontier: The Suburbanization of the United States

Let’s temporarily forget about (not that you should) the acres upon acres of wilderness (in Florida, where I’m from originally, it’s the already severely diminished wetlands and swamps) that fall prey to the developers’ chainsaws. Let’s look at the communities themselves. Instead of renovating an older home or apartment building, there’s this trend where everything has to be brand-sparkling-new. This one young person I knew actually said those specific words when she was complaining about her old-building rental. So, now, because people don’t want to live in a place that’s been used and lived in by someone else, they help contribute to the destruction of the environment, because of all the new construction materials that have to be manufactured to build these perfect new homes. And, typically, they are pretty cheaply built on top of that. Or, if there’s an old home on the site, it has to be demolished and carted away to a landfill, generating more environmental issues.

So, having ignored all of the above, I don’t understand why you would even want a cookie-cutter home that looks like all the others. Boring. Plus, how on earth do people even find their trendy brand-new home, after one too many mixologist-concocted drinks, if they all look alike? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLxC1bJmF_Uhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLxC1bJmF_U)

Then, the lawn mania. It astounds me how obsessive people still are about having perfect green lawns. All day long, every day, you’ve got people or lawn crews out with lawnmovers, leafblowers, weedwhackers–the noise is constant and it’s all…day…long. One couple even had a ShopVac that they used to vacuum leaves off their lawn–seriously. People, having those green lawns, especially in Florida, takes a toxic combination of chemical fertilizer, herbicides, and pesticides. And guess where all that stuff is going, especially in coastal communities? Yep, right into the waterways. (http://www.rodalesorganiclife.com/garden/dark-side-lawns) And, it seems to me that it’s completely unregulated. Even organizations and people who are supposed to be advocates for environmental protection and protectors of our natural spaces not only use things like Round-up, but are strong supporters of its use. (I know, I contacted some local representatives of these organizations directly). You know what that causes? http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/01/us/florida-algae-pollution/http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/01/us/florida-algae-pollution/ (This recent news item is the main inspiration for this article, by the way.) I can also speak from personal experience. Red tide used to only happen maybe once a year when I was growing up. When I was living there more recently, red tide was happening practically year-round. When I was growing up, there were less turfed green lawns–now everyone seemed to have one. And, of course, there’s the dead zone in the Gulf. http://www.noaanews.noaa.gov/stories2015/080415-gulf-of-mexico-dead-zone-above-average.html. So, what can be done about it? Even for those of us trying to fight it, it’s difficult when the local city and state politicians are corrupt and firmly on the side of developers and tourism. See examples here: http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20150630/ARTICLE/150639959  and  http://www.srqmagazine.com/srq-daily/2016-03-26/3713_Institutional-Corruption and http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20150319/ARCHIVES/503191026

This paper espouses a stronger viewpoint about the state of things in Sarasota: http://sarasotaphoenix.net/

Sadly, even when people strive to implement xeriscaping, or try to use mulch beds in combination with native plants, they then resort to using Round-up to keep the weeds out. Which makes no kind of sense whatsoever. I mean, why bother with the environmentally friendly landscaping if you’re just going to dump Agent Orange Round-up all over it?

I hated to leave Florida without being able to affect any kind of change whatsoever. It felt like I was abandoning it to the mercy of the people who just wanted a beachfront paradise/condo–abandoning the swamps and the natural Florida I loved as a kid. But I couldn’t afford to live there among all the rich snowbirds, and an opportunity opened up to get out of that conservative hellhole.

So, I moved to New Mexico. Santa Fe. Where I’m at, at least had a little bit of a rural feel–a touch of the wild. There’s a ditch right by my driveway, and it was lined with beautiful flowers. Tall yellow flowers that followed the sun, and little orange and purple flowers. Essentially, lots of green growy things that helped take the edge off moving to the desert from green, lush Florida. And it was so quiet–no sirens, no SWAT teams running down the street, no gunshots,  and, best of all, no lawn equipment.

Then I was woken up (7 am on a Saturday morning, no less) to the sound a weed-whacker right outside my window. Yep, all the lovely wildflowers–gone. All the lilies around my rain barrel–gone. The whole lovely meadow, full of waving, shimmery grass in the compound–gone. And now the compound is coming after me because the area lining my gate looks “messy”, so, by the laws of the unit, I have to get rid of all the growing things along the fence.Or some of them. I still don’t understand what they are talking about. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to weed out. It’s no different than when I moved in. To me, it’s just beautiful, wild nature.

I don’t really feel like I belong in this world–it makes no sense to me.  I’ve never felt more like a social misfit then I have this week. And I’ve always kinda been the odd one out.

I have some things to figure out about where to take my life from here…to continue the fight and how best to make a difference for this planet and all its wonderful plants, animals, and other natural elements.